I’m not going to write to much because right now is the time for me to sit the fuck down and listen up.
First thing I try and recognize is I don’t know shit about what it’s like to be black. None. Literally not one fucking clue.
I open myself up to being wrong, to saying something that is offensive and being checked for it, I open myself up to understanding the experience outside of my own.
It’s not my intention to offend. It’s not my intention to be hurtful. It’s not my intention to contribute to the problem.
It’s my intention to learn so I can help. It’s no ones job to teach me how to not be an asshole. I don’t have any expectations of that. It’s my job to be open to being taught through experience and be open to being wrong. That’s what I’m trying to do. And I’d be lying if I said it’s not uncomfortable sometimes.
I do wonder what’s appropriate for me at times?
What spaces am I allowed to be in?
Am I being an ally, being supportive?
And so all I can do now is ask.
I can’t lie and I have to be real on here…. I am so fucking enraged. My belly gurgles and my chest gets hot. I have thought awful thoughts. Far too detailed violent thoughts, you know because I don’t know what to do with this emotion. I want to burn it the fuck down. I know that’s wrong only because it won’t bring peace.
How is it 2016 and we’re still feeding into this systematic set up that this country is built on? Say their names and do not add to the list. No more. I don’t want one more name on this list.
I am here to