How Kiska taught me to love the jiggle in my thighs

 

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Kiska meaning: Pure, pussy, kitten.

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Short version of the introduction. Girl gets heart broken. Girl decides to try something she’s never tried before. Girl meets pole and talented pole dancers. Girl is unleashed into a sexy pole dancing goddess!

So once I made the decision to try a pole class I started where we all start when we’re looking for a place. I did some research on good ol Yelp. Three options came up for pole class. I chose Kiska and did some research on their Instagram. The teachers were incredibly talented but their captions were playful and their music was on point!

(above co-owner Lauren)

I called Kiska with lots of questions and Christa (the co-owner) happily called me back answering each and every question I had. God bless her soul because I had aaaa-lot. I was just so nervous so I had to ask her about every possible fear I had.

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My last question was: “And so should I wear like yoga clothes?”

Her response: “Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and sexy. I usually just wear my underwear.”

Dancing in my underwear for exercise? Fuck yes!

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Ladies and gentlemen, if you’re even thinking about it GO!

 

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I was really nervous about going to class. I thought that there would be catty girls there who I let make me feel some type of way. I thought I was going to feel fat, that I would fall, that I would feel like I was doing it all wrong.

Well the first thing that I was wrong about was I made the assumption that it would be all women. During my first class there was a man… who absolutely killed it! In other classes I’ve taken since then there have been other men also.

We went over what are considered basic (still very challenging) moves. Christa walked us through stuff nice and slow. I was having trouble just walking in the heels and now I was expected to climb a pole in these things?

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The friend that I brought with me was like a god damn mermaid swimming through water. She looked so natural! I kept getting confused about where to put which hand where and “how do I position my leg?” and “are you sure that I’m not going to fall and crack my head open because that would totally suck…” Yet again Christa went through it nice and slow while demonstrating moves for me over and over and over again while being my cheerleader.

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There was one move I really wanted to get but kept feeling afraid to just let go. I kept getting all the footwork right but when it came down to the trust fall I just couldn’t do it.

Finally, after repeating the move over 10 times my body just gave in and without me planning it, I let go. As soon as I landed it the entire class cheered me on. I looked around and everyone in class had been watching me! I smiled a huge bashful smile. My eyes closed and my mouth nearly touched my ears. I felt like such a badass.

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It had been a long time that I had felt a sense of community. I wasn’t expecting to find that when I signed up for pole dancing. I was only expecting to get a good work out and try something new. However, that day I walked out of class feeling a sense of comradery. No one was being competitive or took themselves too seriously and yet everyone was putting forth their best effort to learn this art form.

 

(above Alice one of the Kiska teachers)

My entire life I have had body image issues.  Between binge eating and throwing up, to under eating and weird diets, drug abuse and exercise obsession I have not been kind to my body over the years.

Once I got sober I gained a lot of weight however the longer I’ve stayed sober I have practiced acceptance around my body which is nice. However, acceptance is vastly different than feeling confident. Acceptance didn’t make me feel like I wanted to actually show my body OFF.

I’m the girl wearing pants in the summer time just to hide the cellulite on my thighs.

We do this move in class where get up on the balls of our feet (or stripper heels rather) and click them together (like Dorthy from wizard of Oz) thus shaking our thighs. It was then that something clicked. It was fucking magic. I watched as my thighs shook and it was beautiful. I did it again. And again. And again and again. They looked amazing shaking like that! Now if you have ever had body issues you know how explosive the feeling is when that changes.

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These days you can find me heel clickin and thigh shakin at any given moment. In fact I think it’s safe to say that Kiska created a thigh shakin’ monster. I want to show off my body because that’s what feels good for me.

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I appreciate my body for myself and not for anyone else. I feel happier, tougher, more comfortable being myself. I actually appreciate what I got and hope to grow more into myself instead of into someone else. In my opinion, that makes me a certified badass.

Kiska has become my new happy place. I have learned to be grateful for how I look, gotten a chance to become more in tune with my body through seriously challenging exercise, gotten physically stronger and yes, I’ll say it, I’ve gotten my sexy back mothafucka.

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Well said Nicki, couldn’t have said it better.

xoxo,

Al

 

 

 

 

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Author:

I am a 26 year old Japanese American queer cis female who is from the bay area and currently lives in Portland, Oregon with her pitbull named Yuki. She is my pride and joy. I have been sober since 2014 and started to work in the sex industry in December 2016. We moved to Portland about 4 years ago in 2013 and have been learning how to thrive in this grey, wet, yet charming environment of Portland. Three things attracted me to this magic nook on the west coast. Tree tunnels (as I like to call them) that tower over roads swallowing you into a tube of nature, people’s tendency to look you in the eye and ask how you’re doing (with expectation of a genuine answer), and tea houses/coffee shops are a past time here. They say this is the city where 20 year olds come to retire or the city of refugee weirdos who just didn’t quite fit in. My diagnosis of Portland is the city that embraces those who love to isolate and be awkward so if hiding out in your room to geek out on your blog or simply drink tea in your room all day is your thing I suggest you check out what the fuss is about in Portlandia. Although Portland is whimsical in it’s own right it has a major amends to make to it’s citizens of color. It’s been here that I’ve learned the most about activism and politics unfortunately as a result of the city’s non acknowledgement of all of their citizens. The citizens here although progressive in it’s own way participates in it’s own subtle yet powerful microaggressions daily. The city is vanilla to put it lightly. When I am not day dreaming of sunnier days you can find me in a tea shop rambling in my journal about the romantic fantasy of hopping a train or living out of a van, admiring baby doll heads and crooked picture frames, watering my indoor plants desperately trying to learn how to have a green thumb, geeking out on astrology charts, obsessing over Michael Jackson and screaming all his songs, flooding my earphones with Princess Nokia to CocoRosie to Mac Dre to name my top favorites, going to strip clubs, crying, praying, attending pole dancing class and learning a variety of ways to make my beautiful backside bounce, holding hands, blowing bubbles, dismantling the patriarchy, writing a story, a poem or working on a zine. My blog has no rhyme or reason but you may find some of those influences as themes in within my posts. What I do hope to do with my blog is expose myself vulnerably if nothing else as an act of leaving behind a documented record of my human-ness but the truest hope, dream in fact, is to help someone out there to feel less alone. I hope that through my ability to candidly share my rawest sense of self I can help build an online community of witches, activists, freedom fighters, freaks, mermaids, pretty boys, studly girls, theys, and thems.

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